Make Dinner, Not War
| What's a Parent to Do?
| Food Jags, Short-Order Cook Syndrome, and Other Common Behaviors
| Do as I Do, Not Just as I Say
Anyone who takes care of toddlers will tell you that mealtime can be quite a challenge. Read on for tips to maintain peace at mealtime.
Make Dinner, Not War
"If you clean your plate, you can watch TV."
"No dessert until you eat your vegetables."
"You'll just sit here all night until you finish that broccoli."
No doubt you heard threats like this as a child. But food should be used as nourishment, not punishment. And mealtime should be a time for peaceful conversation, not an ongoing battle about food. Along with a variety of healthy foods, a pleasant atmosphere at mealtime contributes both to good nutrition and to healthy eating habits.
What's a Parent to Do?
First, recognize that all children exhibit what adults consider to be peculiar eating behaviors. Do not take it personally. Childhood food binges, self-induced food strikes, and offensive table manners are all part of normal development in very young children. Children use the table and the refrigerator as a stage for flaunting their independence. Sometimes food is not the issue at all, it’s who is boss. You are the boss, but do not lose power by getting into battles you cannot win. Food battles, for example.
Second, realize that most of the frustrating food behaviors noted in toddlers stem from the deceleration in their growth rate. After a very rapid growth spurt in the first year and a half of life, growth tapers off and appetites decrease. Do not expect a 3-year-old to eat as voraciously as an infant or to eat adult-sized portions. If your child is growing normally and you are providing a variety of healthy foods, let her appetite govern her intake. Remember too that kids’ appetites vary unpredictably. A finicky appetite this week may become a giant one next week.
You may be concerned that your child is always snacking without ever actually finishing a meal. Children have small stomachs and short attention spans. Providing three meals a day has no real nutritional benefit—it is simply a social custom. Try offering your child six small meals a day (grazing) instead. You will be surprised at how well he eats! He will be less overwhelmed by the more manageable portions and can then run back to whatever he was doing before.
Food Jags, Short-Order Cook Syndrome, and Other Common Behaviors
Many children will exhibit unusual eating patterns and behaviors at some time in toddlerhood. For example:
Your child eats only two or three foods, meal after meal. For some unknown reason, the food of choice is usually something healthy—milk, yogurt, raisins, or eggs. Just allow her to eat out her "jag," but continue to offer other foods at each meal as well. After a few days, or maybe even a few weeks, she will likely try some of the other foods you have made available. Continue to offer the "jag" food for as long as she wants it, though.
Your child blatantly refuses to eat what is served. This is most often a play for attention. What is more comforting than an adult who jumps up throughout the meal to prepare something he might like better? Your best solution? Sit down and relax. Have already prepared foods he likes (bread, rolls, vegetable sticks, or fruit) available at all times. Be supportive, but set some limits. Do not jump through hoops to cook something else that he
like. If he does not eat this time, he will eat next time.
"I hate chicken!" whines your child, hurling it to the floor. This is inappropriate behavior and requires some attention on your part. You can start by suggesting that your child eat the other foods on the table. The potatoes perhaps or maybe the green beans. If he cannot behave properly and/or chooses not to eat, then he should leave the table. Do not give him food to go or allow him to return for dessert. He will just have to wait until the next planned snack time (which is probably only an hour or so away). If you consistently enforce this strategy, he will eventually learn what is expected of him.
Your child's diet consists solely of bread, potatoes, pasta, and milk. So what? If she is growing normally, you have more to gain from living with this diet for a while than from fighting it. Aside from being a bit bland on the palate, there is nothing inherently wrong with this combination. Avoid pressuring her to eat other foods. Calling attention to finicky eating habits only reinforces them. Continue to offer a variety of foods, especially those that are bright-colored. Most children are eventually lured in by the hues of cherry tomatoes, watermelon, or carrot sticks. Eating quirks in young children rarely last for long, and a doctor-recommended vitamin supplement can put your nutrition worries to rest.
Your child adamantly refuses to try anything that he has not eaten before. This is really pretty normal. It may take many exposures to a new food before a child is ready to taste it, and many more before he actually likes it. Do not force the issue. Just offer the food again some other time. Think about it. How many times did you refuse a particular food before you finally tried it (and liked it!)
Which brings us to a good point. Think of your child as having the same needs and desires as your own. Do you enjoy eating when you do not feel well? Neither does he. Are you put off by portions that are overwhelming in size? So is she. Do you crave comfort foods for days on end? Well, so do they. Respect those wishes and you will have much of the frustration under control.
Do as I Do, Not Just as I Say
It is important to remember that children are the best judges of how much they should eat. Parents are the best judges of what they should eat. Adults are not responsible for how much a child eats, or even if he eats. They are, however, responsible for providing the basics of good nutrition. Here are seven steps to help children eat better and prevent arguments over food.
Prepare children for meals. A 5-minute warning before mealtime lets them calm down, wash their hands, and get ready to eat.
- Buy only the foods you want your child to eat.
Don't worry if your child skips a meal.
Let children make their own food choices from the good choices you provide.
Serve regular meals and snacks.
Make mealtime pleasant.
Teach good manners at the table.
Happy encounters with food at any age help set the stage for sensible eating habits in the future. Handling food and eating situations calmly and positively encourages healthy food choices and fosters a warm, trusting home environment.
Allen RE, Myers AL. Nutrition in Toddlers.
Am Fam Physician. 2006 ;74(9):1527-32.
The American Dietetic Association's Complete Food & Nutrition Guide. 3rd Ed. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley and Sons, Inc.; 2006.
Health and nutrition information for children over five. ChooseMyPlate.gov website. Available at: http://www.mypyramid.gov/pyramid/index.html. Accessed June 2, 2012.
Nutrition guide for toddlers. KidsHealth.gov website. Available at: http://kidshealth.org/parent/nutrition_center/healthy_eating/toddler_food.html. Updated October 2011. Accessed June 2, 2012.
Nutrition (pediatric preventive care). EBSCO DynaMed website. Available at: http://ebscohost.com/dynamed. Updated April 2, 2012. Accessed June 2, 2012.
Last reviewed June 2012 by Brian Randall, MD
Please be aware that this information is provided to supplement the care provided by your physician. It is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. CALL YOUR HEALTHCARE PROVIDER IMMEDIATELY IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider prior to starting any new treatment or with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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